Thinking makes you anxious - Yuvi Gerstein (Story behind the song)
This song was an instrumental I wrote back around 2013, when my mother, Tsiona Gerstein, was in the last year of her life.
She was dealing with cancer for about eight years prior to that year. There were ups and downs, but at that period it was quite certain, things were not going to get much better.
She was given an oxygen machine to use at home, to allow her to breathe better.
I was living in London at the time, and when I came for a visit, I was surprised to see this bulky machine which made a loud gasping sound, an unnatural noise that caught my ear. I recorded samples of that machine and later started playing around with it. It was a dark time, and I was looking for a way to express the pain I was feeling.
In the movie Fight Club (1999), Brad Pitt’s character Tyler Durden explains to Edward Norton that the oxygen masks on airplanes aren’t really for safety in a crash. He says:
“Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you’re taking giant, panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile, you accept your fate.”
I hung on this idea and imagined the instructions of the oxygen machine are actually meant to keep patients calm, euphoric, submissive, and help them accept their fate. It was a sad concept. I made a connection in my mind between the corporate world and lives of helpless sick individuals. I went on google translate and inserted some phrases that the instructions might say: “Breath naturally”, “Please read instructions before use”, “Thinking makes you anxious”. Meaning that thinking too much would make you anxious, as you realize there’s no good trajectory to your situation and the inevitable end is near.
For the music I started creating a beat from that oxy machine sounds. It was quite rough. The first version was heavy and not very pleasant to listen to. The frequencies of that machine take over the others and leave little room for the music to happen.
Here's the first demo of the song in 2013:
I also wrote that downward melody on guitar, which eventually became the staple of the song, with the sensitive and wonderful playing of Noam Haimovitz on strings (Yes, he plays all the quartet strings himself)
After I published that first rough version on my soundcloud back in 2013, I kind of forgot about it.
My mom passed away on September 9th that same year. As I mentioned, it was a dark time for me and a lot to deal with.
It took me many years, probably too many to come back to this song and pick up where I left off.
I started by cleaning up the oxygen machine samples and recorded two great musicians as the rhythm section for this song. Shahar Haziza on drums and Beno Hendler on Bass. They were the perfect match for this song and really nailed the feeling I was trying to convey.
Once the song was taking more shape, I went through some recordings of conversations I had to with my mom. The one that caught me was a skype call from when I was in London. She was always trying to stay optimistic, and in that call, she said how she’s trying to hold on and stay alive until I get home at least. She didn’t say that last part, but that’s what I felt she was saying. I used that conversation as part of the song towards the end. The conversation was in Hebrew, look for it around 02:30.
Finally the song was ready, I finished mixing it myself and I had it mastered by the wonderful Asaf Shay.
When it came out, I promoted it via social ads and was surprised to see that it got the most responses in none other than Turkey. I got most of the plays and saves for this song there. My guess is that the melody and the groove are reminiscent of Turkish music and that resonated with listeners over there. I was thrilled of course.
That's the story of one of my favorite songs from the album “Cells”. I hope this helped you understand the background better and that you enjoy this song. And if you have a mother, go and give her a call, or a hug. She's worth it.
Before I go, there's a special treat for those who like to own the audio, you can download it free from this link.
Or stream it directly:
Thinking Makes you Anxious Lyrics:
Please read instructions
Before use
Breath naturally
Breath naturally
Do not think too much
Now
Isn't this just super?
Thinking makes you anxious
Do not worry
Please read instructions
Before use
Breath naturally
Do not think too much
Please read instructions
Before use
Breath naturally
Now, isn't this just super?
Super
SUPER?
“I'm trying to hold on”
“No, it's ok, I manage”
“OK sweetie”
“I'm trying to hold on”
“So goodbye honey”
Song credits:
Written and composed - Yuvi Gerstein
Drums - Shahar Haziza
Bass - Beno Hendler
Strings - Noam Haimovitz
Mix - Yuvi Gerstein
Mastering - Asaf Shay
Publisher - Yuvi Gerstein Music